With Halloween just around the corner I am steeling myself for what may be the scariest All Hallow’s Eve of all. No, I am not planning a visit to a creepy cemetery, haunted house or worse, taking my kids trick-or-treating at The Mall. (If you’re new to my life, I have a mall aversion. You’ll have to deal with it.) Nope, this year will be much scarier than any of that, for starters we’re moving. That alone is usually enough to strike fear into the heart of mums with small children. But it gets worse. It’s into a bonafide fixer upper.
It seems somewhat fitting, albeit frightening, that we’ve put an offer in on a fixer upper since I feel like my whole life is in need of some re-vamping anyway. This renovation is basically a metaphor for my own inner transformation. Lots of break-throughs ahead. Or maybe break-downs? Only time will tell. I do hope to find a bit of myself along the way since it’s been a really long time since I asked myself what I really, really want. Motherhood is among the most distracting of commitments. It may look like a marble tile backsplash, but it’s actually the layers of my psyche you’re grouting, mister.
Anyway, the house itself is very tired, but it has “the bones” for greatness, as they say in the world of design and architecture. Currently though, it’s definitely in the running for Museum of Natural Ugliness having never been properly cleaned, let alone updated in any way since ‘89. This is okay with us. We wanted to get a place we could totally make our own without pangs of eco-guilt over tossing or ripping out perfectly good hunks of house. So it is ideal as this is so not the case with our diamond in the rough. The carpets are stained and worn, the lino is shot, appliances nasty and Energystar-less. The walls dingy and dull and the kitchen—oh the kitchen! It is pretty much repulsive, dysfunctional, 80s oak and has a dreadful buzzing fluorescent lightbox. Truth be told, all the lighting is hideous. And all the bathrooms actually trigger my sensitive gag reflex. However, the house is plenty big and best of all, the main floor could “very easily” be transformed into the open kitchen floorplan of our dreams. My husband and I love to cook together and our friends, naturally, love to hang with us, sip wine and eat whatever we make. I mean, our wine-tasting party was epic and who could forget the late night New Year’s Supper of 2007.
This house needs to go from drab to fab and since we are creative, somewhat skilled, yet completely naïve, I think we are just the couple to tackle this project! I am a design mag addict. Inspiration is everywhere! I love it and I love the idea of doing something completely unique even more. I will be the creative driving force and my husband, both handsome and handy, will be the executor of our shared vision. Yes, I said shared. I want my man as comfortable in the place as me. Especially given the volume of blood, sweat and tears he’s about to put in.
Oh wait! The tears are mine and this house has already made me cry. Twice. One time was just the overwhelming scope of work and the dirtiness of it. The second time was due to the discovery of rodent droppings in the garden shed. I can deal with a lot of things. Bugs, spiders, even an over-zealous pigeon once, but rodents? I just spazzed and cried. Every gal has her limit. The only rodents I can deal with are those of the animated variety (Disney’s Ratatouille and hot buttery popcorn). But my husband pounded his chest, adjusted his loin cloth and vowed to protect us from whatever vermin may come our way. And he also wrote an impassioned email to our home inspector imploring him to calm the fears of his hysterical wife, which he did- thanks Pierre. Finally, for good measure, he enlisted in the expertise of his good friend, landscaper and pest control extraordinaire, to talk me down from my proverbial ledge. Thanks Allan.
Along with any other of God’s creatures living in our neglected wild kingdom outside, we do have two kids to throw into the mix on the inside. Our daughter, Sofia, is six and can be an artistic whirlwind some days. She has so many ideas, but for her, a reasonably pretty, but modern room with space for painting and drawing would be the ideal. Matteo is two and a half and real man’s man. As long as there are tools, machinery and trucks nearby he could care less about esthetics. He will be so into this reno ie. underfoot, that I fear for his safety. So he too, will need a safe haven where he can retreat when the sledge hammer starts a-swingin’.
Once we have established safe comfort zones for the kids we can move on to every imaginable surface, fixture and space in the house. We should be done by the time it’s time for us to downsize though!
So many projects, so much time. When I think of the scope of work ahead it is dizzying, but I cling to my vision of the perfect home for our family to grow in. Room by room we will turn this place into a memorable space for our friends and family to spend time with us. I imagine our rodent-free backyard with charming globe lights strung across the eaves of our covered deck on warm summer nights and in winter, fourteen-foot Christmas trees (really!) towering up to the top of my vaulted living room ceiling. It won’t be perfection from the start, but as with any good adventure, the lessons lie within the journey, not the destination.
I hope, dear friends, you will join me in this journey as my husband and I (and a small army of friends and family) take this outdated suburban home from sucks to luxe! Happy renovating!
