I'm a Wild Horse Running Free

Wild white horses of the Camargue gallop joyously through the water.

For as long as I can remember my sister and I have said we want to be wild horses running free. We didn't plan it and I can't even recollect how or when we started it, but we both know its depth of meaning.

It can mean feeling overwhelmed with pure joy, as in "I'm a wild horse running free!" Anyone who has ever observed the majestic, yet exuberant frolicking of wild horses running free will know what I'm talking about.

Or sometimes when we feel stuck, afraid or weighed down by life's obstacles, we say "I just want to be a wild horse running free!" It's our battle call to rise up and just go for it, whatever it may be. Be in the present and embrace a joyful moment. Don't look back.

I'm happy to report that these days I'm feeling much more pure joy. You see, there's a few things simmering away and all of them involve being 100% authentic.

For a time now I allowed the overwhelming busy-ness of my life to cast me adrift on a rocky sea of responsibilities, obligations, chores and on and on and on. Intellectually I understood I needed to be the one to take control of my life. But as a sensitive, emotional, creative type, I let my heart run the show. Things got messy.

Everything else came first. My kids, marriage, job, renovation, chores.... everything else came first. All this stuff is important to me, especially the marriage and kids, but I finally got it. I can't keep putting all this ahead of my own personal happiness. If I can't live my own truth, how can I truly be any good to them? I would be a miserable woman to be married to and not the mother I wanted to be to my kids. Children deserve a role model in their parents. The best role model is someone who is brave enough to be themselves. I needed my brain to step in and intervene on behalf of my heart.

My brain came up with a plan and my heart agreed. Find a way to carve out time to write and daydream and be creative. Find a space and hold it for creative pursuits and spiritual solace. In other words: Mommy needs alone time and I don't mean zoning out while vacuuming and crying. (Every maxed-out mom has done this, admit it!)

So I've created a new writing space within my home. It is quiet and removed from the household hubbub. The opposite of what I thought I wanted. This way I am tucked away in a spot filled with beauty and inspiration and much less likely to be struck by the urge to organize tupperware or sanitize the kitchen drawer pulls. These things need to be done, but not at the cost of breaking my inner wild horse.

PS: If you, like me, cannot get enough of the dreamy images of the fantastic French wild horses captured by the amazing Irene Suchoki of Eye Poetry, visit her Etsy shop here: http://www.eyepoetryshop.com/collections/wild-horses

I have her print entitled 'Embrace' above the fireplace in our master bedroom. Positively romantic.

Shaking things up

I did something outrageous this weekend. Well, outrageous for me, anyway. After ten years of marriage and years of my husband begging, I had boudoir photographs taken as a Valentine's gift. I'm a little shy, so it took a bit of courage and more than one flute of pink champagne, but it happened and I must admit, it was so much fun.

I don't know what took me so long. I have nothing against boudoir photography, in fact, I love the sensual images of beautiful women who are not afraid to be powerful, sexy, feminine beings. In two hours time I went from a nervous wreck to a blissed-out glamour girl. Champagne helps, but also being pampered by a professional hair and make up artist, (thank you, Kelsey) and then romping around a luxurious hotel suite in mind bogglingly high heels, stockings, ruffles and lace while a fun and creative photographer (thank you, Angela  http://pinterest.com/photosbyblush/blush-boudoir-photography/) gives endless pointers as to how to appear waaaaay sexier than one actually is... well, it was just fabulous.

I find that sometimes, as a mother, it's hard to remember who I am outside of that role. My kids are the most important thing in the world to me, just like any other mom out there. But it was so revitalizing to step outside of it for an afternoon and just forget about the endless responsibilities and obligations. For those few hours it really was all about me. I have to say, quite honestly, I enjoyed My Self.  And it wasn't like I was remembering who I used to be, not in a mid-life crisis-y kind of way. It more of an awakening to the possibilities of who I could become. Not just a sex kitten, but anything at all. Just like that, I was empowered. It was a magical moment.

Who knew running around in one's skivvies could do such a thing?

Source: Uploaded by user via Charity on Pinterest